Suicide is painless

What do you say when the least mentally qualified of your friends asks you for a character reference for voluntary work for the Samaritans?

Oi!

I wanna work for top topping preventers, the Samaritans innit. Before they'll let me stop people being mental & shit, I need to prove that I'm not some kind of weirdo. Is it alright to put you down as a vouching for type person yah?

Ta.

I guess (hope) that, in reflection, callers will consider their lot to not be too bad after all. "Could be worse..."