Love in the time of So I Married An Axe Murderer

Romance isn’t dead. Nope. In fact, you can order your copy for as little as £3.91, with a two-week free trial.

With Valentine’s Day lurking around the corner like your pretty flatmate and her meat cleaver-wielding Italian boyfriend, it’s probably a good moment to take Christian Bale’s advice and “think for one fucking second” (Yeah, get me being topical). Good job LOVEFiLM is here to sort your life out:

Enjoy a romantic night in this Valentine's with LOVEFiLM.

Now imagine your girlfriend/boyfriend’s reaction when you tell them not to bother booking a table at the local Pizza Express because you’ve got Cocktail in. That look of discombobulation, subsiding to state of utter revulsion sloshing about in a blank stare of disappointment – that’s the face of true love, that is.

Best get your rental list in shape pronto and hope LOVEFiLM don’t try and fob you off with that Jeremy Clarkson DVD you've had skulking in your “low priority” titles for some time now. Like they always do. Bastards.