I’ve spent the last week working out my tax for last year. In such a situation, anything poses a potential distraction – not even imagining the most ludicrous claim in line with MPs’ expenses. Just anything to keep me away from Excel. Setting up fiendish real-life Heath Robinson mousetraps. Snorting Lemsip. Sniffing out BSG plot loopholes. Jogging. Christ, I’m even writing a blog.
And now I have in my hand a near-empty bottle of my sister’s Simple Regeneration Age Resisting Facial Wash: Green Tea Goodness. And I’m reading the ingredients (“our special blend”). There’s over 30 of the fuckers.
When your grooming regime consists of wondering whether or not to take a set of clippers to your head, face and all, once a week, cosmetics kinda slip you by. But my girlfriend’s latest obsession has lead me to deduce one thing: the beauty industry is pretty ugly.
Take the ingredients listed above:
Sodium laureth sulfate [SLES] - a detergent and surfactant found in many personal care products (soaps, shampoos, toothpaste etc.). It is an inexpensive and very effective foaming agent. It is also a known irritant.
Toxicology research by the OSHA, NTP, and IARC have supported claims by the Cosmetic, Toiletry, and Fragrance Association (CTFA) and the American Cancer Society that SLES is not a carcinogen [phew]. However, SLES and SLS, and products containing them, have been found to contain very low levels of the known carcinogen 1,4-dioxane, with the recommendation that these levels be monitored. The U.S. Environmental Protection Agency considers 1,4-dioxane to be a probable human carcinogen (having observed an increased incidence of cancer in controlled animal studies, but not in epidemiological studies of workers using the compound), and a known irritant (with a no-observed-adverse-effects level of 400 milligrams per cubic meter) at concentrations significantly higher than those found in commercial products. The U.S. Food and Drug Administration encourages manufacturers to remove 1,4-dioxane, though it is not required by federal law.
Cocamidopropyl betaine – not harmful, but an extract from fungi, namely Trunk Rot. Yum.
Propylene glycol – “known also by the systematic name propane-1,2-diol, is an organic compound (a diol alcohol), usually a faintly sweet, and colorless clear viscous liquid that is hygroscopic and miscible with water, acetone, and chloroform.”
Potential health effects:
Eye
Causes mild eye irritation. Contact may cause irritation, tearing, and burning pain.
Skin
Causes moderate skin irritation. Contact with the skin may cause erythema, dryness, and defatting.
Ingestion
May cause gastrointestinal irritation with nausea, vomiting and diarrhea. Low hazard for usual industrial handling. May cause hemoglobinuric nephrosis. May cause changes in surface EEG.
Inhalation
Low hazard for usual industrial handling. May cause respiratory tract irritation.
Chronic
May cause reproductive and fetal effects. Laboratory experiments have resulted in mutagenic effects. Exposure to large doses may cause central nervous system depression. Chronic ingestion may cause lactic acidosis and possible seizures.
PEG-55 propylene glycol oleate - moderate hazard depending on product usage. Contamination concerns – ethylene oxide, 1,4-dioxane. Restricted in cosmetics; use, concentration, or manufacturing restrictions - Not safe for use on injured or damaged skin. May contain harmful impurities. Toxicity hazards: suspected.
Sodium Hydroxymethylglycinate -
* Sodium Hydroxymethylglycinate is NOT a natural preservative.
* It is actually a skin and eye irritant.
* Not recommended for sensitive skin.
* No long term studies on the effect on the skin.
* Not many research studies done on Sodium Hydroxymethylglycinate PERIOD.
And you smear this stuff on your face. My girlfriend tells me that this stuff is at the better end of the spectrum, designed for people with sensitive skin. Blimey.
Since this is the internet, where in true geek conspiracy nut style the truth is out there, there’s a whole community of bloggers dedicated to unravelling the ingredients of household cosmetics. Lots of inspiring everyday folk turned biochemists who go “no poo” – this means they don’t use shampoo, which is very bad, but also resulted in comical schoolboy tittering from me. All of these people know more than a lazy dude with no hair and a tax return to do.
And there are companies doing good things, too. Take Aubrey Organics. Better still, Dr Bronner’s are some old school Victorian elixir maker turned modern day pharmaceutical activists. They’ve actually taken companies that have produced goods falsely advertised as organic to court.
They also pose the question: can you get high off soap? I don’t know but fuck Excel, I’m going to spend this afternoon finding out.
